I have not been home lately. I have been with Mamita! She is the greatest dose of therapy a girl could ask for! I truly am grateful to be able to call such a graceful, strong, hilarious, righteous and truly magnificent woman my MOM <3
I have yet to blog anything that was close to a formal journal. That ends today.
Some folks tried to warn me of the impending Quarter-Life Crisis I would face as I turned 25. I laughed. Today, as Mom would say, I am experiencing growing pains! You know, asking myself what I wanna be when I grow up, as if I have not been in college the last 7 years to become an elementary teacher. Why don't I have a bf? What is wrong with me? Questions that have begged me to do some deep soul-searching. Mama says she thinks I would make a great lawyer because I "always go to bat for people." I have to admit, as long as I thought I wanted to be an educator, I never imagined by the time I graduated, the state of the educational system would be in such disarray. I love my educators! Don't get me wrong, but I am deeply questioning, especially in light of my first attempt at an education class (ELED 301), that perhaps, just maybe, this is not the field for me after all.
Law school, bar exams and what not is in a whole other league. I have no idea what all it entails, but one thing I do know, is that I would not worry or hurt for financial security. As I told my Mom while riding with her the other day, "I wanna be paid, and livin' large." Ironically, I keep hearing every song imaginable that contains a reference to Keepin' Up With the Joneses. The irony lies in the fact that my mother's maiden name is Jones, although I don't find it as ironic as much anymore. All of my family on that side enjoys nice, perhaps a bit lavish, things. And why not?! It is our namesake after all. That said, I am reconsidering my choice of careers due to the recent down sliding of the economy. Nothing is in stone just yet, but I have completed all of the required 'General Education' courses for my college. I am a senior (credit-wise) who is about to reconsider her whole academic mission.
Relationships. Ugh, I hate to even go there, but for therapy's sake, I will divulge just enough. My ex is seeing a former/current client. The kicker is that she ain't like me, if you know what I mean. I am all for dating outside of one's race, but damn homey. You would think he won a trophy by the rapidness at which he was willing to but his and her relationship on blast. Jealous, well not really. I truly wish all of my exes happiness, despite the fuc*ery and shenanigans they pull with me. It is just that I was warned by a certain friend, of the game that my ex likes to play with his clients. True-to-form, this one and myself are no exception. I hope for both of their sakes, that they do not bring out the worst in each other as he and I did. Get down how you live dude! OH, and you may want to tell your friends to make ALL of their photos private, especially since they contain extremely suspect looking pictures of you at Pride this year.
Living in the city (CHI-town!) was always something I wanted. I love it! Don't get me wrong, but what's a girl to do when the rampant shootings keep getting closerandcloser to her home. And with the Supreme Court striking down Chicago's ban on hand-guns, I literally live in fear. I mean I try to be aware of my surroundings and company at ALL times, but I feel now more than ever, that you can never be too careful. This may not sound like anything new, but for a single-gal who calls this great city her home, it is a bit much to think about. I have been hiding out, as I like to think in Elgin the last few days and nights. Mamita has given me a lot to think about and consider. I love my mom, but we are both creatures who enjoy our personal space every now and again. I would love to bail on my city, but I think I just need to wait on time. It has usually been on my side. That is, unless I try to beat it. A loser's game.
Law school, bar exams and what not is in a whole other league. I have no idea what all it entails, but one thing I do know, is that I would not worry or hurt for financial security. As I told my Mom while riding with her the other day, "I wanna be paid, and livin' large." Ironically, I keep hearing every song imaginable that contains a reference to Keepin' Up With the Joneses. The irony lies in the fact that my mother's maiden name is Jones, although I don't find it as ironic as much anymore. All of my family on that side enjoys nice, perhaps a bit lavish, things. And why not?! It is our namesake after all. That said, I am reconsidering my choice of careers due to the recent down sliding of the economy. Nothing is in stone just yet, but I have completed all of the required 'General Education' courses for my college. I am a senior (credit-wise) who is about to reconsider her whole academic mission.
Relationships. Ugh, I hate to even go there, but for therapy's sake, I will divulge just enough. My ex is seeing a former/current client. The kicker is that she ain't like me, if you know what I mean. I am all for dating outside of one's race, but damn homey. You would think he won a trophy by the rapidness at which he was willing to but his and her relationship on blast. Jealous, well not really. I truly wish all of my exes happiness, despite the fuc*ery and shenanigans they pull with me. It is just that I was warned by a certain friend, of the game that my ex likes to play with his clients. True-to-form, this one and myself are no exception. I hope for both of their sakes, that they do not bring out the worst in each other as he and I did. Get down how you live dude! OH, and you may want to tell your friends to make ALL of their photos private, especially since they contain extremely suspect looking pictures of you at Pride this year.
Living in the city (CHI-town!) was always something I wanted. I love it! Don't get me wrong, but what's a girl to do when the rampant shootings keep getting closerandcloser to her home. And with the Supreme Court striking down Chicago's ban on hand-guns, I literally live in fear. I mean I try to be aware of my surroundings and company at ALL times, but I feel now more than ever, that you can never be too careful. This may not sound like anything new, but for a single-gal who calls this great city her home, it is a bit much to think about. I have been hiding out, as I like to think in Elgin the last few days and nights. Mamita has given me a lot to think about and consider. I love my mom, but we are both creatures who enjoy our personal space every now and again. I would love to bail on my city, but I think I just need to wait on time. It has usually been on my side. That is, unless I try to beat it. A loser's game.
My ex-husband has been on my mind a lot recently. I miss him and his strength. Him and his family helped me become the woman I am today and I am forever grateful! Who knows what the future holds...I do know one thing though, and that is I completely forgot about the sick a$$ GOLD, wedding band he gave me the last time I visited him. I lent it to a girlfriend who asked to wear it last summer, since my fingers had grown too fat for it. Well, 45 pounds and slim fingers lighter, missing him more than ever, I would like it back and she skipped town a few weeks back to soul-search. Whatevs! Alls I know, is I want my wedding ring back, yesterday :-\
I AM WEARING THE RING IN THIS PHOTO.
So, as I reconsider some things and reevaluate my life, I would like to say that I am mostly happy. I am secure with who I am and mostly pleased with my physical appearance as well. Not fully sure about the prospect of my teaching at this point, but at the very least, the idea of me and about 30 or so 8-9 year olds is daunting at best. I love a great challenge, but I would like to reap the benefits and dividends in a profession that is not so thankless. As my dad so eloquently put it a few days ago, "I did not raise you to not be in the limelight."
Gee, thanks Dad!
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